Frequently Asked and Rarely Answered Questions
I will give you two answers to these questions - the "short answer", which is what I usually blurt out during the middle of a shift while elbow-deep in dishwater and syrups, and the "Austin answer", which I usually drone on about ad nauseum when the shift is winding down. I hope this helps.
What is "Assid Jüs"?
Short Answer - Nature does not make good cocktails, so I had to do my own thing.
Austin Answer -
I will work really hard just to be lazy. I am also a control freak. These two character traits are part of the reason why I've been using Assid Jüs in the bar for the past few years. I noticed that lemons and limes and other citrus fruits had different flavors throughout the year - sometimes the lemons were way too sweet for cocktails, and sometimes the limes were too small and tart. Also, the price of citrus varies, even in California, so there were times when the restaurant would be paying almost a dollar for each ounce of citrus juice we were squeezing.
And then I came across this article, which got me thinking. I wanted to have organic, naturally derived citrus juices, but I also wanted consistency and a low overhead when providing it. And squeezing fresh juice every day just plain sucks.
So I started tinkering with alternatives like acid-corrected juices, and looked into organically derived and sourced ingredients to come up with a citrus juice alternative. I also love clear things (see the next question for more on this), so I worked really hard on getting a product that was clear. After about a year and a half of getting close and a bunch of flat-out failures, I came up with the recipe for "Assid Jüs".
Nature does not produce good cocktails. The entire history of cocktail-making comes from a long line of people picking up trash, poisonous things, and inedible items and seeing if they could figure out a way to get drunk off of them. The bartender who uses "all-natural" juices and then blames their weak-ass concoction on "the fruit isn't ripe enough" or "Mercury is in retrograde" or some such nonsense is a bartender giving you an excuse. Bartenders are a people who historically taste poisons and nasty, bitter, inedible things and turn them into delicious concoctions that get you drunk. That's our job. And I take it way too seriously, which is why I spent a year and a half taste-testing sour liquids so I wouldn't have to rely on bullshit fresh juices anymore.
Assid Jüs is completely natural, organically sourced, and the closest substitute I can get to fresh juice. It gives me a consistent product, has a long shelf life, and is cost-effective in its production. And it's proven very popular to boot. If you're interested in creating your own acid-based solution, I hope the above linked article helps you. And if you want to know exactly what goes in to making it, well, show up with an NDA and a bunch of capital and we'll talk, because I'd really like to see it bottled and on bar shelves all over.
Finally, I think that intentionally misspelling things is hilarious, so that's where the name came from.
Austin Answer -
I will work really hard just to be lazy. I am also a control freak. These two character traits are part of the reason why I've been using Assid Jüs in the bar for the past few years. I noticed that lemons and limes and other citrus fruits had different flavors throughout the year - sometimes the lemons were way too sweet for cocktails, and sometimes the limes were too small and tart. Also, the price of citrus varies, even in California, so there were times when the restaurant would be paying almost a dollar for each ounce of citrus juice we were squeezing.
And then I came across this article, which got me thinking. I wanted to have organic, naturally derived citrus juices, but I also wanted consistency and a low overhead when providing it. And squeezing fresh juice every day just plain sucks.
So I started tinkering with alternatives like acid-corrected juices, and looked into organically derived and sourced ingredients to come up with a citrus juice alternative. I also love clear things (see the next question for more on this), so I worked really hard on getting a product that was clear. After about a year and a half of getting close and a bunch of flat-out failures, I came up with the recipe for "Assid Jüs".
Nature does not produce good cocktails. The entire history of cocktail-making comes from a long line of people picking up trash, poisonous things, and inedible items and seeing if they could figure out a way to get drunk off of them. The bartender who uses "all-natural" juices and then blames their weak-ass concoction on "the fruit isn't ripe enough" or "Mercury is in retrograde" or some such nonsense is a bartender giving you an excuse. Bartenders are a people who historically taste poisons and nasty, bitter, inedible things and turn them into delicious concoctions that get you drunk. That's our job. And I take it way too seriously, which is why I spent a year and a half taste-testing sour liquids so I wouldn't have to rely on bullshit fresh juices anymore.
Assid Jüs is completely natural, organically sourced, and the closest substitute I can get to fresh juice. It gives me a consistent product, has a long shelf life, and is cost-effective in its production. And it's proven very popular to boot. If you're interested in creating your own acid-based solution, I hope the above linked article helps you. And if you want to know exactly what goes in to making it, well, show up with an NDA and a bunch of capital and we'll talk, because I'd really like to see it bottled and on bar shelves all over.
Finally, I think that intentionally misspelling things is hilarious, so that's where the name came from.
What is "milk-washing"?
Short Answer - Chunking up milk to make the bad parts of drinks bigger so you can strain them out easier.
Austin Answer -
I'm obsessed with clear food and drink. The inner pedantic in me geeks out over seeing things that look like a cup or bowl of plain water and then tasting them to find that they have a rich depth of flavor hidden right there in plain sight. I'm also a child of the '90s, and I remember that Clear Pepsi was the coolest goddam thing in the world when it came out. Later in my restaurant career, Chef Brad Owen showed me how to make an egg raft for a consommé, and I was blown away at the depth of flavor that was in this innocuous clear liquid.
If I had to list man's greatest achievements, Clear Pepsi and consommé would be two of them.
And then one day I read this article about how to clarify and enrich cocktails by using milk, and immediately got hooked. I started doing it, with the original "Mary Rockett" recipe that so many people have started with. Making a milk-washed punch is, for me, a viscerally disgusting thing. Curdled milk is just gross, and the whole process takes forever. But damn, is the final product worth it.
I knew if I didn't force myself to get better I would never go through the hassle of milk-washing anything ever again, so I put the "Clarificada" on the menu to force me to continue making milk punches in an effort to improve myself. There are more famous milk punches out there (Dave Arnold is a great guy to read if you want to know more about the exact science, and I can't recommend his book Liquid Intelligence enough), and a whole lot of better ones (I highly recommend the one at Faith & Flower in Los Angeles), but I can promise you that the ones you get from me will at least be different every time, and each has been an improvement on the last....at least, that's the goal.
So what is "milk-washing", anyways? Milk-washing is when you take a liquid with acid in it (like a cocktail) and add it to milk. The acid will curdle the milk, resulting in gross-ass chunks of curds. These curds, however, will bind with plant matter and harsh tannins and other impurities in the cocktail, and will also add their own neutral mouth-feel to the liquid that isn't all chunky and gross. So it's a bit of a give and take. After everything chunks up, you strain the chunks out of the liquid through some kind of filter. And then you pour that liquid back through the same filter, because those little chunks bind to each other and help strip out even more nasty things you don't want in your final product. This second filtration is a lot slower than the first, and will drip at an estimated rate of (in my experience) one tiny drop per 10 seconds.
And then you filter it again.
All told, you want to filter that punch at least three times. I usually do it five.
The whole process takes about three days. One for the ingredients (herbs and whatnot) to steep in the cocktail, one for the cocktail to sit in the milk, and one day devoted just to filtering that sumbitch. And then you give it to someone who immediately tells you that they don't like it.
Or at least, that's what used to happen. But thanks to the constructive criticism of lots of patient people over the years, I'd like to think I've gotten at least competent at milk-washing these "clarificadas". Try one and let me know.
Austin Answer -
I'm obsessed with clear food and drink. The inner pedantic in me geeks out over seeing things that look like a cup or bowl of plain water and then tasting them to find that they have a rich depth of flavor hidden right there in plain sight. I'm also a child of the '90s, and I remember that Clear Pepsi was the coolest goddam thing in the world when it came out. Later in my restaurant career, Chef Brad Owen showed me how to make an egg raft for a consommé, and I was blown away at the depth of flavor that was in this innocuous clear liquid.
If I had to list man's greatest achievements, Clear Pepsi and consommé would be two of them.
And then one day I read this article about how to clarify and enrich cocktails by using milk, and immediately got hooked. I started doing it, with the original "Mary Rockett" recipe that so many people have started with. Making a milk-washed punch is, for me, a viscerally disgusting thing. Curdled milk is just gross, and the whole process takes forever. But damn, is the final product worth it.
I knew if I didn't force myself to get better I would never go through the hassle of milk-washing anything ever again, so I put the "Clarificada" on the menu to force me to continue making milk punches in an effort to improve myself. There are more famous milk punches out there (Dave Arnold is a great guy to read if you want to know more about the exact science, and I can't recommend his book Liquid Intelligence enough), and a whole lot of better ones (I highly recommend the one at Faith & Flower in Los Angeles), but I can promise you that the ones you get from me will at least be different every time, and each has been an improvement on the last....at least, that's the goal.
So what is "milk-washing", anyways? Milk-washing is when you take a liquid with acid in it (like a cocktail) and add it to milk. The acid will curdle the milk, resulting in gross-ass chunks of curds. These curds, however, will bind with plant matter and harsh tannins and other impurities in the cocktail, and will also add their own neutral mouth-feel to the liquid that isn't all chunky and gross. So it's a bit of a give and take. After everything chunks up, you strain the chunks out of the liquid through some kind of filter. And then you pour that liquid back through the same filter, because those little chunks bind to each other and help strip out even more nasty things you don't want in your final product. This second filtration is a lot slower than the first, and will drip at an estimated rate of (in my experience) one tiny drop per 10 seconds.
And then you filter it again.
All told, you want to filter that punch at least three times. I usually do it five.
The whole process takes about three days. One for the ingredients (herbs and whatnot) to steep in the cocktail, one for the cocktail to sit in the milk, and one day devoted just to filtering that sumbitch. And then you give it to someone who immediately tells you that they don't like it.
Or at least, that's what used to happen. But thanks to the constructive criticism of lots of patient people over the years, I'd like to think I've gotten at least competent at milk-washing these "clarificadas". Try one and let me know.
What is an "infinity bottle"?
Short Answer - A bottle that's never empty
Austin Answer -
Homeopaths and armchair physiologists alike have long touted the glories of things like "tinctures" and "water-memory" and other such nonsense. I don't really hold much to it myself, being a control freak and whatnot. I have to write every little thing down and try to recreate it as closely as possible so I can tweak and rework areas where I might have screwed up. And I screw up a lot.
Infinity bottles are a great way for me to just relax for a brief second and not care. An infinity bottle is a bottle or jug that you never let get empty. Each blend that comes out of it is unique to that pour, yet carries traits of all previous pours within it. It's a conundrum and a fun little thing to do on the side.
I could tell you that my house whisk(e)y is always a blend of bourbon, rye, and Irish whiskey, but could I tell you exactly what brands are represented in each Old Fashioned I make? Nope. And I don't care to, because they're always delicious. It's a fun little way for me, as a person who's obsessed with notating and quantifying every little step in the drink-making process, to add some mystery and just say "I don't know". I never let the infinity bottle get empty, so there's always a bit of every whiskey or gin that was in there before it in every pour.
Austin Answer -
Homeopaths and armchair physiologists alike have long touted the glories of things like "tinctures" and "water-memory" and other such nonsense. I don't really hold much to it myself, being a control freak and whatnot. I have to write every little thing down and try to recreate it as closely as possible so I can tweak and rework areas where I might have screwed up. And I screw up a lot.
Infinity bottles are a great way for me to just relax for a brief second and not care. An infinity bottle is a bottle or jug that you never let get empty. Each blend that comes out of it is unique to that pour, yet carries traits of all previous pours within it. It's a conundrum and a fun little thing to do on the side.
I could tell you that my house whisk(e)y is always a blend of bourbon, rye, and Irish whiskey, but could I tell you exactly what brands are represented in each Old Fashioned I make? Nope. And I don't care to, because they're always delicious. It's a fun little way for me, as a person who's obsessed with notating and quantifying every little step in the drink-making process, to add some mystery and just say "I don't know". I never let the infinity bottle get empty, so there's always a bit of every whiskey or gin that was in there before it in every pour.
What is "Amer Viva"?
Short Answer - A housemade tincture which you can only get at Viva Madrid in Claremont.
Austin Answer - Ever heard of a "Picon Punch"? It's a drink that Basque immigrants in Nevada used to drink in the '50s and '60s. I work at a Spanish restaurant in California, so I would frequently get a lot of people asking if we made Picon Punches. I looked into it years ago, and learned that Amer Picon hasn't been available for import since, like, before I was born. My searching led me to this article and this article, and after going down the rabbit hole a bit (did you know that peach pits have fucking CYANIDE in them?), I decided it was just easier to make my own Amer.
Thus began the great Amer Viva Chase. After fifteen different recipes (each of which takes about six weeks to steep and produce) over the course of a couple of years, I finally standardized a recipe that I liked, and started making cocktails with it. Amer Viva is bitter, herbal, and plays well with sweet and sour cocktails (and I used to mix it with Rockstar and that was pretty good). I started making punches with it, but quickly got bored of that because Picon Punches are not that interesting to me. Now it plays a prominent part in a lot of our house cocktails, and I'm always adding it to new things just to see what will happen.
So that's what Amer Viva is. I'll never tell you exactly what's in it, unless you have either a deadly allergy (in which case I'll tell you what's NOT in it) or a piece of paper with a huge number written on it that you slide across the table to me (in which case I will totally sell out), because you can only get it from me and that makes me feel important. I hope you like it.
Austin Answer - Ever heard of a "Picon Punch"? It's a drink that Basque immigrants in Nevada used to drink in the '50s and '60s. I work at a Spanish restaurant in California, so I would frequently get a lot of people asking if we made Picon Punches. I looked into it years ago, and learned that Amer Picon hasn't been available for import since, like, before I was born. My searching led me to this article and this article, and after going down the rabbit hole a bit (did you know that peach pits have fucking CYANIDE in them?), I decided it was just easier to make my own Amer.
Thus began the great Amer Viva Chase. After fifteen different recipes (each of which takes about six weeks to steep and produce) over the course of a couple of years, I finally standardized a recipe that I liked, and started making cocktails with it. Amer Viva is bitter, herbal, and plays well with sweet and sour cocktails (and I used to mix it with Rockstar and that was pretty good). I started making punches with it, but quickly got bored of that because Picon Punches are not that interesting to me. Now it plays a prominent part in a lot of our house cocktails, and I'm always adding it to new things just to see what will happen.
So that's what Amer Viva is. I'll never tell you exactly what's in it, unless you have either a deadly allergy (in which case I'll tell you what's NOT in it) or a piece of paper with a huge number written on it that you slide across the table to me (in which case I will totally sell out), because you can only get it from me and that makes me feel important. I hope you like it.
What are "Sub-Zero Cocktails"?
Short Answer - Cocktails that are batched and chilled to below zero degrees Fahrenheit.
Austin Answer - These cocktails became pretty popular during the [first] COVID-19 shutdown. They were designed so I could transport the taste of a classic cocktail from bar to home. The problem here was that I wanted to design simple, classic cocktails that people could take home and instantly enjoy without having to read an instruction pamphlet on how to stir in ice and add extra ingredients. However, I also felt that the cocktails should be able to stand up to transport time without losing their character to overdilution or overheating. So I designed these cocktails to be sent out below zero (around -3 to -4 degrees Fahrenheit). That way people can take them home, open the lid, and enjoy them before the ice even starts melting. It turns out that they're also pretty damn good....and high in alcohol. Everyone wins.
Austin Answer - These cocktails became pretty popular during the [first] COVID-19 shutdown. They were designed so I could transport the taste of a classic cocktail from bar to home. The problem here was that I wanted to design simple, classic cocktails that people could take home and instantly enjoy without having to read an instruction pamphlet on how to stir in ice and add extra ingredients. However, I also felt that the cocktails should be able to stand up to transport time without losing their character to overdilution or overheating. So I designed these cocktails to be sent out below zero (around -3 to -4 degrees Fahrenheit). That way people can take them home, open the lid, and enjoy them before the ice even starts melting. It turns out that they're also pretty damn good....and high in alcohol. Everyone wins.
Where do you get your clear ice?
Short Answer - Clear ice is just water + coldness, so there's no way I'm paying someone to do that for me.
Austin Answer -
There's a thing called "directional freezing". The best way to think about it is to think how lakes and ponds only freeze on the top, leaving the fish and dirt in unfrozen water underneath. Why? Because the top of the lake or pond is exposed to colder air, while the rest of the pond is insulated in the ground. Water freezes in one direction, and it does so in an awesome way. When the water freezes, it pushes all the dust, dirt, air and everything else away from it. If you let the water freeze completely, you'll have a chunk of ice with a cloudy spot in it.
BUT
If you control the direction in which it freezes (say, by putting an ice cube tray with holes in the bottom of each compartment in the top of a cooler and leaving the lid off in a freezer), then you can control the clarity of the ice. Water will always freeze where it's coldest first, and then it will push everything else towards the center or the other warmest part of whatever container it's in. (Remember the concept of "Ice-10" from the Vonnegut novel Cat's Cradle? No? I guess that's just me being pedantic again. Sorry.)
If you want to make clear ice, it's super easy. If I can do it, so can you. HOWEVER, let me just tell you a few things:
1) you will fuck up
2) tempering the ice is very important before you start cutting it
3) you don't need a sharp knife to cut ice. I use a bread knife.
4) you will cut yourself. Numb hands and slick ice with knives in the mix are just asking for trouble
5) clear ice is super sexy
6) making clear ice is not hard, but LEARNING how to make clear ice is super hard.
I know this doesn't really help, so I highly suggest going over to www.alcademics.com , because Camper English does a much better job of explaining directional freezing than I do. But please, be safe when you start to carve ice. Trust me on this.
Austin Answer -
There's a thing called "directional freezing". The best way to think about it is to think how lakes and ponds only freeze on the top, leaving the fish and dirt in unfrozen water underneath. Why? Because the top of the lake or pond is exposed to colder air, while the rest of the pond is insulated in the ground. Water freezes in one direction, and it does so in an awesome way. When the water freezes, it pushes all the dust, dirt, air and everything else away from it. If you let the water freeze completely, you'll have a chunk of ice with a cloudy spot in it.
BUT
If you control the direction in which it freezes (say, by putting an ice cube tray with holes in the bottom of each compartment in the top of a cooler and leaving the lid off in a freezer), then you can control the clarity of the ice. Water will always freeze where it's coldest first, and then it will push everything else towards the center or the other warmest part of whatever container it's in. (Remember the concept of "Ice-10" from the Vonnegut novel Cat's Cradle? No? I guess that's just me being pedantic again. Sorry.)
If you want to make clear ice, it's super easy. If I can do it, so can you. HOWEVER, let me just tell you a few things:
1) you will fuck up
2) tempering the ice is very important before you start cutting it
3) you don't need a sharp knife to cut ice. I use a bread knife.
4) you will cut yourself. Numb hands and slick ice with knives in the mix are just asking for trouble
5) clear ice is super sexy
6) making clear ice is not hard, but LEARNING how to make clear ice is super hard.
I know this doesn't really help, so I highly suggest going over to www.alcademics.com , because Camper English does a much better job of explaining directional freezing than I do. But please, be safe when you start to carve ice. Trust me on this.
What do YOU like to drink?
Short Answer - Shut up.
Austin Answer - It all depends on where I am. If I'm at an unfamiliar bar and see the words "housemade" or "house-brewed" in the description of a cocktail, I'll immediately order that. If I'm at a bar around town, I'll just order a shot and a beer because ordering complicated and "creative" drinks at someone else's bar is a dick move and bartenders shouldn't do it to each other.
Asking what I "like" to drink is somewhat of a problem for me, because I feel that it isn't a bartender's job to "like" anything. It's my job to figure out what YOU like and try to give it to you in a fun and unique way (if you want to help me out, tell me the last two cocktails you had and where you got them and how you felt about them). Just give me some basic adjectives (and "good" and "strong" and "not too sweet" don't count), and let's make something unique together. Fun side note, if a bartender is super excited about a particular liquor and keeps pushing it on you, they're either a) new to bartending, b) a corporate tool, or c) got a bunch of free swag from that particular brand and feel like they should push it because they sold their soul for some free bottle openers or whatever.
Basically, I drink espresso from Some Crust Bakery in the morning and in the evening I drink Cynar 70 proof on the rocks. Now back to telling me what YOU like to drink.
Austin Answer - It all depends on where I am. If I'm at an unfamiliar bar and see the words "housemade" or "house-brewed" in the description of a cocktail, I'll immediately order that. If I'm at a bar around town, I'll just order a shot and a beer because ordering complicated and "creative" drinks at someone else's bar is a dick move and bartenders shouldn't do it to each other.
Asking what I "like" to drink is somewhat of a problem for me, because I feel that it isn't a bartender's job to "like" anything. It's my job to figure out what YOU like and try to give it to you in a fun and unique way (if you want to help me out, tell me the last two cocktails you had and where you got them and how you felt about them). Just give me some basic adjectives (and "good" and "strong" and "not too sweet" don't count), and let's make something unique together. Fun side note, if a bartender is super excited about a particular liquor and keeps pushing it on you, they're either a) new to bartending, b) a corporate tool, or c) got a bunch of free swag from that particular brand and feel like they should push it because they sold their soul for some free bottle openers or whatever.
Basically, I drink espresso from Some Crust Bakery in the morning and in the evening I drink Cynar 70 proof on the rocks. Now back to telling me what YOU like to drink.
What kind of knot is that?
Short Answer - My eyes are up here.
Austin Answer - It's an Eldredge Knot. If you watch a lot of YouTube videos, you'll be able to tie it without looking in a mirror, and it's actually a damn convenient knot to know. Unless I'm wearing a bow tie, in which case, it's a bow tie knot.
Austin Answer - It's an Eldredge Knot. If you watch a lot of YouTube videos, you'll be able to tie it without looking in a mirror, and it's actually a damn convenient knot to know. Unless I'm wearing a bow tie, in which case, it's a bow tie knot.
Image credit: www.zephyphotography.com
It's a real pleasure and honor to serve you, even if it looks like I don't feel that way. Thank you for being here.
Instagram: @gentlemanandaballer
E-mail: gentlemanandaballer@gmail.com
Thanks so much to The Cocktail Portal and Zeph Monroe for the lovely pictures.
Image credit: The Cocktail Portal